Lately

I'm behind. Mostly on loading pics and writing about my sweet babies and their birthdays and all their cuteness. For now, I'm just going to write about life as of late.
Last week I stopped nursing Grayson. Cold turkey. We had one really rough night where I was up 10+ times and I was at my wits end. He has been a way worse sleeper than Owen ever was. It's probably mostly my own fault, partly because he doesn't take a binky, and partly because he is who he is. So, the next morning I said, "all gone" and that was that. I'll be honest, I've been a bit of an emotional mess. And was close to caving several times. I thought to my self, "this is painful (both physically and emotionally), I'm not ready. He's not ready." And a slew of other things. In actuality I really enjoy nursing (except for the fact that Gray was a biter...has been since the day he was born). It's just a bond that only I have with my baby and it only lasts for a short time. I, however, did not like waking every 45 minutes just to nurse for comfort. He actually is sleeping better. Not all night, but one thousand percent better than before. I felt really bad because all at once I cut him off from nursing, and sleeping in my bed and moved the crib into the other room. I felt like it was necessary, but oh so hard for my emotions. I sometimes end up sleeping in the crib with him. I've let him cry it out and that is SOO SOO hard on me. My heart breaks. His sweet little voice sounds hoarse and so sad. I wanna cry with him and sometimes I do. But, like I said, necessary evils. He's been clingy and whiny, but in reality he is doing better than I expected considering the abruptness of the situation. And he's getting better, most days. In exchange for one baby in our room we moved Owen's bed into our room so we could let Gray do his crying. Hopefully it won't be too long before Grayson figures it all out and we can all sleep more peacefully.
Physically, weening is awful...It's been a week and I finally feel like my body is back to normal...mostly. It is nowhere near as painful as the first two weeks of nursing, but still hurt. I didn't know how long it would take or what really to expect because when I weened Owen he was only nursing once or twice a day AND I was pregnant so I didn't have much to dry up. Kinda nice to have my body be just mine. Because I've been providing for a baby one way or another for the last 4 years (Pregnant, nursing, pregnant, nursing....no breaks).

Oh, Andy and I stole a night to go to the temple. We were excited to see the new video and were truly touched. Crazy how a movie with the exact same script, but portrayed with more emotion, can have a profoundly different effect on the things that are perceived. The emotion made a huge difference for me and I was able to feel the spirit so strongly. This was in the midst of my weening crisis and I was comforted to know things would work out and be ok. My baby would not grow to resent me (this seems silly, but I worried he'd hate me). So grateful for the temple and for having one so close and easily accessible. I should take more advantage, especially since we have great family that is so willing to watch our kids for us.  And that's the last of August...Welcome Fall.